How to be a better parent without yelling | Instead do this

how to be a better parent without yelling

The real question isn’t whether you love your kids or not, but how well you are able to demonstrate your love and caring so that your children really feel loved

Stephanie Martson

Many times, it happens that parents yell or shout at their innocent little ones to control them or make them learn good manners or correct their mistakes. But, you must understand that yelling can be certainly an emotional abuse for your kids. Yelling accompanied by insults and verbal putdowns can lead to extreme stress, anxiety, growing aggression, low self-esteem, and so on. You must discipline your child without yelling. In today’s article, we will learn how to be a better parent without yelling. 

Why yelling is never a fair long-term strategy?

Parenting is a journey with a variety of spices. Sometimes, it can be sweet, sometimes sour, sometimes bitter, and sometimes pungent. Hence, as a mature and responsible parent, you must be ready to deal with every situation gently and carefully. It is obvious that you want your baby to be sober, disciplined, and focused. But, you must not forget that they are children and are getting introduced to new things every day. 

Do you know where the exact problem lies? 

It lies in your focus on the short-term issues that create negative long-term consequences. Reactive strategies are real flaws. When you use reactive discipline approaches like counting to three, time-out, yelling, outcomes, etc., they trigger multiple implications:

  • Parents get exhausted as Reactive Parenting drains the energy faster in comparison to proactive parenting.
  • Parents fail to reach the root of the kids’ misbehavior and concentrate only on stopping the tantrum of the child at the moment. 
  • Reacting to the kids’ behavior immediately increases the chance of yelling as parents are not equipped with effective tools. 

Now, the main question comes to mind:

How to get my child to obey me?

Set clear rules:

Establishing clear rules and ask your child to obey them at home. Write down the rules in points and stick to a prominent place like your child’s study room, on the refrigerator, living room’s wall, etc. If your kids break the rules or refrain from following them, then take a deep breath, control the urge of shouting, lecturing, or nagging, and speak to the little culprits softly about their mistakes and why they must not break the rules. 

Make your rules like this:

How to be a better parent without yelling | Instead do this
How to be a better parent without yelling | Instead do this

Set up consequences ahead of the actual time:

Inform the negative outcomes of breaking the rules to the little monster ahead of time. Make them understand the logical consequences so that can learn from their mistakes.

For example: If you don’t complete your homework before dinner, there will be no cartoon for you for one week. 

Remember that positive parenting getting kids to listen is the best way to make them responsible citizens in the future. By knowing the consequences beforehand, your kid will get the time to think about whether to follow the rules and enjoy their leisure or to break the rules and miss it. 

But, be careful as every child is different. The same consequence may not work for everyone. Hence, consider accordingly.

Offer positive reinforcement:

Always motivate the kids to follow the set rules through the use of positive reinforcement. They must know that they will be rewarded if they follow the rules just like they will be punished if they break them. Praise the young minds when they obediently follow the rules. For example, say something like this, “Thank you for finishing your homework before dinner. I appreciate that.” Or, “Very good! You have made your bed and brushed your teeth before having breakfast. Now, you can play with your dolls.”

Give your child ample attention:

Your kids need you. Paying enough attention to reducing their attention-seeking behaviors is one of the most effective ways concerning how to get your child to listen and behave positively. One-on-one time is extremely important for both of you and your children. If the baby struggles with any specific behavior problem, you must create a reward system. 

Sticker charts are ideal for younger kids. The token economy is good for older children. 

Misha’s Weekly Sticker Chart 
Good behaviorDoneDoneDoneNot DoneDone Movie
Done HomeworkNot DoneDone DoneDoneDoneIcecream
No fightingDoneDoneDoneDoneDonePark
Eat vegetablesNot doneDoneDoneNot doneNot DoneNew toy
Keep room cleanNot done DoneNot doneDone DoneVisit at nanny’s home
Wash hands before eatingDoneDoneDoneDoneDoneCheese pasta 
ScorePoorVery goodGoodAverageGood
Token Economy for Aditya
Behavior Tokens EarnedSundayMondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFridaySaturday
Pay Attention4YesYesYesNoYes
Be Calm and focused5NoNoNoNoNo
Sit Properly2YesNoNoYesYes
No shouting3YesYesYesYesYes
Total token earned
Rewards20= can watch Tv after dinner10= Movie30= Favorite chocolate 40 = Invite friends at home50 = New shoes60= New dress70= School Bag80= New Barbie Doll

How can you examine the reasons of your yelling? (Only for Parents)

Many times parents complain by saying ‘My child doesn’t listen unless I yell.’ You have to learn strategies to be calm. It will help you to become the role model of your kid. The simplest way is picking up battle carefully includes healthy commands, checking out if the kids are following them, and using alternative strategies. 

  • Whenever you are angry with your kids, take some time to control the upsetting thoughts. If the situation is not extremely dangerous, wait till you are fully calm, and then discipline your little one.
  • If your statement is ‘my child only listens when I yell’, then you have to try new strategies for gabbing the youngsters’ attention. Always practice providing effective instructions without shouting.
  • In case you yell out of fury, you must develop a clear plan for addressing the misbehavior of the kids. Often parents shout unnecessarily because they don’t know what else to do when their child is disobeying the rules or instructions. 

How can you discipline your kids without yelling or raising your voice?

Give warning when it is necessary:

Giving a healthy warning is good for your kids. Hence, whenever they refrain from listening, warn them instead of yelling. Inform them about the future outcomes of their misbehavior. 

Let them know that you are serious:

Often children tend to be stubborn and defiant if you continue to yell at them. Hence, it is necessary to let them know in a calm and strict voice that they must obey your instructions, otherwise they can fall in trouble.

Follow through with the outcomes:

Remember that toddler doesn’t follow instructions. Hence, you follow through with the outcomes to show the little human that you mean what you exactly utter. Consistent behavior is a crucial way to suggest how to get your child to listen and behave by being compliant.  

Let’s check out the psychological effects of yelling at a child:

Short term effects:

  • Aggression
  • Withdrawal
  • Anxiety
  • Frustration

Long-term effects:

  • Behavioral problems
  • Social problems
  • A negative view of self 
  • Bullying behavior
  • Low self-esteem
  • Always scared
  • Extreme aggression
  • Severe depression
  • Negative thoughts
  • Disturbed future

Is it illegal to yell at someone else’s child?

Before going deeper into the discussion, you must remember that no one has the right to yell or shout at someone else’s child under any circumstances. But, often it happens, especially where toddlers are around, that you can’t control your irritation and shout at the little soul just because he/she is continuously throwing tantrums/crying while you are trying to concentrate on an important matter. Then, you suffer badly from the yelling at toddler guilt.

Some very useful tips for you to control yourself:

1. Try to keep the toddler entertained:

Little kids love colors, toys, or you making funny faces. If you find any crying toddler around you, use these items to keep him/her entertained for sometimes.

2. Try to make them laugh:

A giggling or laughing child can melt anyone’s heart. If there is an unhappy toddler near you causing disturbances to your on-going work, try to make him/her laugh by tickling, making silly faces, acting silly, showing cartoons on your phone (optional).

3. Give them little presents:

A candy, or an ice cream, or a little toy, or perhaps a small sweet conversation with the cute little one- can stop his/her tantrums and save you from yelling.

4. Breathe and then talk to the child or her/his parents:

You need to calm down yourself. You must not forget that you are going to deal with a child. If the parents of that child are present, talk to them. Otherwise have a nice discussion with the kid himself/herself. Maybe you can solve the little one’s problem. 

5. Healthy yelling is good:

A child can be a little monster too. Many times it happens that many children together bully another kid at a park or in a school/housing premises. If you sense extreme danger that may hurt the victim, do yell at the naughty kids so that they move away from the one who is getting bullied.

Common FAQs:

How to stop yelling when frustrated?

  • If you have started yelling out of frustration and in the middle of the sentence noticed yourself, stop right there. Pause and don’t finish your sentence. 
  • Breathe deeply to calm yourself. Count numbers starting from 1 either loudly or silently.
  • Try to leave the spot for some time. Get some fresh air. Have water. 
  • Try to divert your mind.
  • Take a brief walk.

My child always shout- What to do?

He/she may have hearing issues. Consult a doctor.

What happens to the kid’s brain when parents yell at them?

Yelling and harsh parenting alter the developmental way of the kids’ brains. It can lead to a negative future.

What can I do after yelling?

  • Listen to your kid and know the reasons for the misbehavior in a friendly manner. 
  • Show him/her affection.
  • Apologize
  • Talk to him/her nicely.

Be a good parent without yelling at your child. It’s not that tough. Wish you happy and healthy parenting.

About Kavi Ranjan

How to be a better parent without yelling | Instead do thisHi, I'm Kavi Ranjan. An Entrepreneur, Investor, and an Activity Explorer. Having conducted various kids activity and experiential programs in the past, I am sharing my knowledge and experiences for better experiential experiences for young minds

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