how to deal with stubborn teenager – Skills You Need

how to deal with stubborn teenager

How’s that project coming along? You ask your teenage child. “Why are you checking up on me? Don’t you trust me? I always get good scores” – the kind of replies you get it from your grownup kid you might feel worried, hurt and unsure about what has gone wrong that you are having a conversation like this. Your teenage child values your inputs, but most of the time the conversation is turning into a heated argument. So, how to deal with stubborn teenager?

It is not just you, but the majority of the parents of the teenage kids are facing similar issues. There are reasons why your child is behaving like these, but the good news is this phase too shall pass.

“Parent the child you have, not the child you want”

Parenting Strong-Willed Teenagers

Usually, teenagers are more willful in their age than childhood. Because social independence and self-determination start driving the growth which overpowers the teenage child.

The teenage child through their actions and words shows his/her aggressiveness in the statements like:

  • I will do things my way
  • I will not like being told what to do
  • I want my freedom
  • I don’t like to answer your questions
  • I will dress up the way I like

Why Do Teenagers Act The Way They Do? how to deal with stubborn teenager

Not all teenagers are disrespectful and act rude. But, parents need to understand that they are undergoing huge growth and development where your child will be testing and experimenting on independent ideas. Developing independence is a key part of teenagers. 

Your teenage child is trying to balance privacy along with the need to stay connected with you. This is not easy and the phase is new. So, the majority of the parents find it rude and disrespectful. 

Teenage brain development affects your child’s ability to empathize making it tough to understand other people’s perspectives. The kid has frequent mood swings, hence the brain is not equipped to handle the changed reactions and feelings. Therefore, leading to over-sensitivity, turning into rudeness and grumpiness. Also; teenagers have a shift of mindset in this phase and think that it is one of the ways to impress people as they have seen most of their friends were doing.

Parents when dealing with the teenage kids, need to be little understanding knowing that it is just a phase that will pass. 

The patience will give much better solutions to you on how to deal with stubborn teenager.

Teenage Child Reads Emotions Differently

Teenagers are different from adults. They understand things differently hence; at times they do not have the maturity to read and understand the feelings of others.

Adults with their years of experience understand it well and they are good at dealing with the emotional cues, but teenagers have a different way of dealing with it. In teenagers, there’s an amygdala, a part of the brain which is responsible for such reactions.

Research shows that teenagers are bound to misread the expressions when adults argue and often misunderstand the feelings and emotions behind it. Teenagers have a different way to show their temperaments therefore; often interpreted them as disrespectful and rude.

Typical Teenager’s Troubled Behavior

When you are googling out there for how to handle a stubborn and aggressive child, there will be endless search results appearing. However, to make it easy for you, we have listed down the significant ones here:

  • Changed appearance

It is one of the first things you will notice. Teenagers like to keep up with the fashion trends, color their hair, get tattoos, etc. Try not criticizing them, just make them understand few things and draw a line of what’s not allowed. Remember, the fashion trends pass and so is the teenage phase.

  • Typical behavior

You will find them over-confident at times, or they are just have gone lazy with their school work. Most of the time, there’s an argument over seeking independence leading to shouting and more. Well, this is a phase, a parent needs to understand their child and reciprocate accordingly. Punishing or being too disciplined might put your kid off, leading towards drugs and other kinds of abuse. 

  • Mood swings

Hormonal development changes lead to mood swings leading to irritable behavior and struggle to manage emotions. Falling grades, depression, sleeping problems, anxiety are other serious problems of the teenage phase. Be there for your child with warmth, love, and support.

  • Influenced by the wrong friends

Friends during the teenage years are the most who influences. They become extremely important and have a greater influence on your child when it comes to making choices. It is obvious that your child is bound to withdraw and this may leave you feeling rude and hurt. This is just that they want to be with their friends and enjoy and have fun. Be worried, if your teen is spending a lot of time with friends, especially friends are encouraging negative behavior.

What Parents Require Doing When Dealing With Rude Kids? How to handle stubborn and aggressive child

Just like your kid entering a teenage phase, the parents too are new here to cope up with the anger and aggression. Nobody is at fault. However; there are things the parents need to do to know about how to deal with an angry disrespectful child.

  • Your body language needs to be non-aggressive and calm.  Keeping your voice under control, try not to stare in their eyes and avoid shouting. This will subtle the argument.
  • You need to understand that you are a role model for your growing kid. Your teenage child learns from you. The way you speak, you behave and getting cross is watched by your child. Instead, remain calm and, if possible, remove yourself from the situation for the time being. When you are arguing, your child is watching you and learning to do the same. You can’t expect them to be calm and not argue back.
  • Give your teenage child an opportunity to express their viewpoints.  Try to understand their reasoning behind the behavior rather than shouting at them. Responding calmly can surely help in toning down the aggressiveness in your tempered kid.
  • Expect rejection as when dealing with an aggressive teenager. The attempts to connect with your teenagers can be endless but there are times where you feel the stubborn nature is not going. There will be negative reactions, anger, and irritation but you have to keep going. Stay relax and provide some space for cooling. It will take time and effort into making a successful connection. Don’t put it off just because it didn’t work. The breakthrough will eventually come.
  • Don’t be a sarcastic parent. It is certainly a resentment that your teenage child won’t like. This will not only erks communication but, it will put more distance between you and your child.

Things To Avoid With Your Teenager

Arguing with your teenage child is not going to help. Instead, it will make them angrier. When we are arguing, often we tend to speak up things which we don’t mean. The best approach is to give some space and discuss when things are cooled down.

Nagging either is not good. This will irk your child building up irritation towards you. Your child might switch off. Avoid nagging at all times.

Tips To Help Your Teenager To Cope-Up With Aggressiveness

Aggressiveness is a challenging feeling an underlying emotion for teenagers. Aggressiveness has various temperaments such as irritation, hurt, fear, embarrassment, sadness, shame, frustration, or vulnerability.  Teens have no experience to cope up with these emotions hence they mostly lash out. Letting them express is the best way to deal with the situation.

However; here are more tips on how to help your teenager to cope with anger,  and learning to be respectful.

Aware of the warning signs of anger and why it triggers

Does your teen getting frequent headaches or start to pace, or starts babbling before exploding with anger? 

It is important to identify what is triggering the rude behavior. Know the warning signs where your child’s temper starts boiling. This not only helps you to understand the reason behind such behavior but also let him know what is triggering. This will allow taking a step in defusing the anger before it gets out of control.

Understand the reasons behind the growing anger and how to deal with stubborn teenager

Is your teenager depressed or sad? Do you feel that lately, the child is feeling inadequate because of the things his friends and he doesn’t or there’s a class in the school that triggers the situation? Ask them calmly about what is bothering them, let them express, and learn what it is behind. 

When your teenage child starts talking this not only gives you the idea but allows them to identify the reason for growing anger. Once they know it, the situation becomes much simpler to sort out you can take significant steps to defuse before the temper starts boiling.

Establishing rules and boundaries

With the teenagers having freedom and independence is what makes everything tempting. Since your child is growing it is important to set the boundaries to maintain a constructive and workable relationship. The rules need to be clear and implemented specifically.

Understand, excessive rules may backfire hence establish army free rules such as:

  1. Rules about going out and dating
  2. Rules about watching television, video games, and movies
  3. Rules about using gadgets and cell phones
  4. Rules about doing chores

And most importantly, discuss the consequences of breaking the rules with your children before you put to practice. That way, your kids will know what to expect when they cross the limits. Remember that having an open discussion is only to inform them, not adjust the rules to suit them.

Do not stress over the topic

This is something every parent needs to understand. Having a teenage child in a house there will be arguments, the difference of opinions and shouting. You as in adult need to understand that if you indulge in every argument, it will only worsen the situation. The atmosphere at home is not right and happy. Also; this daily argument affair will make your teen more stubborn.

Disagreements are bound to happen, know which topic doesn’t need to be entertained. When you are agreeing to something, make sure that you do it with consent and not with any awkwardness or displeasure. It is okay not to win the argument and leave the topic for the sake of your child. You can always discuss once things have cooled off in a few days.

Think from your teenage point of view

Just because they are teenagers, they can’t be correct is a wrong thought process. At times, adults can be wrong on how to deal with stubborn teenager. A parent needs to understand that with a growing kid there will be hundreds of things developing in his/her mind. It is wrong to judge or compare them with your teenage years and argue on “Back in my days”.

Try to understand what makes your teen feel interested and motivated. Once you know the way of thinking of your teenage child, it makes things easier. As your child grows, he/she need a friendly person and not a shouting parent. 

Don’t take difficult behavior personally

Understand it is just a teenage phase. Your teenage child is developing the identity and personality so obviously will have independent opinions. They are acting under the influence of an intense biological shift. 

Encouraging good behavior

Your teenage child may be a stubborn individual who surely going to pass. However, in your displeasure or anger towards stubbornness don’t ignore their good side. Appreciate their good work, good behavior and their achievements that have made you proud.

Share it with your other family members and friends, letting your teenager know that you are happy and have appreciated the good behavior. Showcase your child’s achievements proudly. Know that the teen years are full of complexities, changes, and confusion which is obvious for your child to become stubborn. Do not make a huge fuss out of it but handle it in a firm yet gentle way. 

Teach problem-solving

Your teenage child at times will be in a tough situation and prefers not to deal with it alone. As a parent, you are your child’s teacher, mentor, coach,  friend, and cheerleader too. Your role is to teach your child how to take up the responsibility and how to solve their own problems. 

Know if your child is reluctant to ask for help, don’t stretch too long. Be there, even if you are not helping in solving the problem, having your presence felt will make a huge difference. This will help them in developing skills to address the underlying problems.

Practice unconditional love

Your teenage child needs to know all the time that you will be there for them to support. Practice unconditional love towards them, since the phase is so delicate there is a chance that your teenager might drift away with no love and support. 

Closing Thoughts

Remember that your teenagers are born with unique personalities with their own likes and dislikes, and the traits of some of the teenage phase are common. 

No matter how much your teenage child seems to be withdrawn from you, no matter how independent your teen appears, or how troubled your teen becomes, they still need your love, support, and care. No matter on wondering how to deal with stubborn teenager, They need to feel loved all the time. So, now you know how to deal with stubborn teenager, keep in mind the above-mentioned tips which will ensure that the phase is as pleasant as possible.

About Kavi Ranjan

how to deal with stubborn teenager - Skills You NeedHi, I'm Kavi Ranjan. An Entrepreneur, Investor, and an Activity Explorer. Having conducted various kids activity and experiential programs in the past, I am sharing my knowledge and experiences for better experiential experiences for young minds

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